HAPPY SUPER BOWL (Dang It)
DRAPER’S PAPER ROUTE
HAPPY SUPER BOWL (Dang It)
by Adam Carroll Draper
As a lifelong Dallas Cowboys fan, it is my sad duty to acknowledge that the Dallas Cowboys are not playing in today’s Super Bowl. This is simply shocking as it will only mark the twenty-fourth consecutive year that the Cowboys have either failed to make the playoffs at all (as this year) or not even been able to string two consecutive playoff wins together. There are rumors (started by me) that Cowboys owner, Jerry Jones, is considering a rebranding of America’s Team centered around the slogan: Because America loves losers! After an historic season that will stand out in the annals of history as a quintessential example of the saying “never has so little been done with so much,” the Dallas Cowboys have surpassed the Cleveland Browns as the standard bearers of mediocrity.
Jerry Jones fired long time loser, Jason Garrett, at the end of this season. My friend and Texas native, Ed Bowden, who calls Garrett “The Clapper”, (“That’s funny right there!) was thrilled that day. After an exhaustive search that lasted several days, Jones hired former Green Bay coach, Mike McCarthy, to replace Garrett. Everyone still loves McCarthy in Green Bay, although they do concede that he wasn’t necessarily the best coach, so that seems fitting. It wouldn’t really matter who Jones hired (I mean even if he was able to snag Bill Belichick) since Jones won’t fire himself as General Manager.
Happy Super Bowl America! Stef is a Broncos fan, so she and I will be coming up with inventive culinary specialties to console ourselves for the penultimate nature of the game. We are cleansing our livers (which was, of course, my idea), so there is just so much we can enjoy on the food and drink front. Oh yeah, there is a game being played between the Chiefs and the Forty-Niners. It promises to be a good one.
San Francisco is built around the philosophy that wins in the NFL, controlling the line of scrimmage. Jerry Joe Jeff Jim Bob has built the current iteration of the Cowboys around this philosophy (so it can’t be fool proof); however, Kyle Shanahan has proven to be a pretty good coach, and John Lynch has turned out to be a great General Manager. My guess is that the Niners will control the ball and score while presenting enough difficulty for Mahomes and the Chiefs offense for the Niners to win with a final score of something like 31 to 24. HOWEVER, that is not what I want to happen because I do not particularly like San Francisco. It’s the Montana pass to Clark in the end zone to keep my Cowboys from the Super Bowl in 1982! Can’t get over it.
No, I heard recently that Bob Jones, a wonderful prophet who has gone home to glory, foretold that a Chiefs win in the Super Bowl would coincide with a mighty wave of awakening and revival coming over America. That is worth getting excited about, and it settles who I am pulling for without a doubt.
Go Chiefs!
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